Half measures in love, for life

I always feel like I’m losing you in a crowd.
But you touch my soul by being you.
By me being me.
And by us knowing each other.
It’s about the time & distance between us and yet about everything and nothing at all.
But without a doubt, if you are my soulmate then whenever that time comes when our souls are ready to meet – it would be amazing
and enough.
And I will say I have thought about you my entire life.

crawl home.jpg

A good cliche is my nemesis. It is ordinary to love a beautiful rose but to love an ordinary leaf, that’s something extraordinary in itself. So going back to a classic cliche, I am one of those awkward-fashioned hopeless romantics; the type that thinks the one right now is always potentially ‘the one’…

This gets me in a constant cycle of falling for the wrong person, perhaps even missing the chance of being in the right moment with the right person. Then, feeling sorry for myself.

I wrote my soulmate poem two years ago when a boy I was seeing in NZ moved to Hong Kong, we were never official but we shared a mutual interest in music, getting stoned, memes and enjoying the benefits of dating, without the label or commitment. Only, after 2 years of this casual affair I developed a case of attachment and feelings. By the time I acknowledged these feelings, it wasn’t the right time and as much as my heart tugged I let go.

Since then I have crossed paths with many other boys, believing with a touch of hope that maybe I have met the father of my kids and the other half my soul has been awaiting.
I believe that I have an attachment to this obsession as I am afraid that I will wither alone without the idealistic dream of building a family. And it is this obsession that holds me back.

There’s another cliche quote that inspires me right down to the bones;

What’s meant to be will always find its way

If anyone reading this can enlighten me with experiences that resonate with this quote, please share!

I hold the faith that it is true. I believe this to be accurate in not only my love life but also in my career, with friendships, travel plans and simply along with serendipity. 
My constant battle is a war with myself, when I feel liberated; contradicting rejection also fills my heart. I get impatient with the present moment and sometimes I admit that I don’t know what I want, subconsciously not wanting to know because the awareness might disappoint me if I don’t end up getting what I wish for.

For now, I can only thank my readers for your time in following my journey. More awaits…


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